Hierarchy and running

Note:  I wrote this several months ago.  I didn't publish it immediately because I didn't want to be thought of as a whiny ingrate.  But I think the time has come for my story to be told, not because I'm angry but because I'm ready.  Of course I tie it into running; it always comes back to running!  :-)

Some of you may not know that I'm not just a runner.  Before I started running as a real sport, I trained in karate.  For almost ten years I have trained in a traditional Japanese-style karate.  I've punched over 10,000 times and kicked almost as many.  I do kata (forms) and I spar with full contact.  I earned my first degree black belt three years ago.

In a traditional style of karate there is a hierarchy.  In many ways this is very beneficial to modern society because it helps us to remember to respect those who have been doing something longer than we.  Traditional karate is a dying style because most people are looking for a good workout and confidence booster in self-defense and nothing more.  Its a shame, because it is the origin of karate that makes it most beautiful.

While a traditional style of karate still contains both a good workout and confidence booster, it also has a spirit that is infectious if you allow it to seep in.  Almost like a cult, you have to truly buy into the philosophies of your karate-do if you want to get the most out of it.  This is what puts the 'art' in your martial arts.

I have trained hard for many years.  I followed those who were senior to me in rank and respected their teachings of spirit, wisdom and art.  I believed in my art because I saw how it recreated me and lifted me to a new point of achievement and self-confidence. I have also lead and had those in lower rank look up to me as a teacher and leader.

You earn your title and rank by putting in the time and showing how you have grown as a karateka (one who practices karate).  Karate is good for allowing you to leave your personal life outside and to train equally with everyone.  We all wear white gis, no jewelry, no make up.  Our minds are open and our hearts are pure when we train together.

In my style of karate we are incredibly fortunate to have a grand master who originated our art.  He is a legend in karate and is still teaching today. People travel from all over the world to take his classes and to be in his presence.  If you are fortunate enough to be in his school, there is no doubt you in the presence of true greatness.

With a hierarchy, though, comes politics and with politics comes the risk of tangling a very delicate web of a simple philosophy.  My karate-do (the way I train in karate) I am not immune to this entanglement.  I have trained with greatness and I have seen greatness fall.  I have been powerless to the hierarchy.

I was invited to test for my second degree. I trained, I studied, I invested, I traveled, I rearranged my schedule and most importantly I was honest. I spoke out but my voice was trumped by those who are senior to me.  I did what I was told, but I still lost.  It wasn't enough, my seniors have spoken. I did not get to finish my test. With my confidence shaken and embarrassed in front of my peers, I shut up and I went home.

I sat on my sofa for a long time.  I cried a little and replayed everything in my mind.  I just didn't see how things could have ended this way, it didn't make sense.  There was only one thing I could do, I put on a pair of running shoes and I took off.  I don't know how many miles I ran or how long I was gone. I don't know where I went or what I thought, I just ran.  No one was going to tell me I wasn't good enough, no one could take that away from me.

I earn my level of achievement in running by putting in the time and devoting myself to improving, all on my own free will.  No hierarchy can take that away from me.  We earn our place on the leaderboard by training hard, putting in the time, and pushing ourselves past our own limitations.  If only everything else could be so simple!